Free fall

Jumping from a plane
I anticipated my fall
prepared all my need
my parachute and my googles
every time i looked down
my heart seemed to stop
of not knowing
whether
i will live
or not
the time came
I jumped and free fall
without even given
a last thought
moments passed
images of my previous
weakly flashed
Frozen my oesophagus
I could not find the trigger
to release the parachute
though height is getting low

Taken away in a dream
Empty and full
Blank and colourful
Sad and happy

I pray, you lights

There you sit,
Eager as a child
in a toy shop,
Wanting to get more.

There you sit,
Humbly low, looking
forward. I wonder,
what are you thinking?

I pray,
To have more time in our hands.
I pray,
That i give you everything i can.
I pray,
For me to understand you, and
You to understand this and that.
I pray, you lights

That air

This air suffocates me,
It brings me down,
Condemning me,
Makes me bleed.

Never mind I'll get through this,
Just a little cut,
Painful but I can ignore it,
Never mind. I think I'm strong.

Never mind. Never mind.
Never mind. Never mind.

Burden

I smile when I want to,

And I do smile when you want to.

I cry when I want to

And I do cry when you want to.

I mad when I want to

And I do mad when you want to.

But when I feel like crying

when you want me to smile,

then I will smile like nothing worth of crying.

So what I will do when you want me to,

Even my heart aches,

Breaks,

Bla, bla, bla…

When some things are for yourself but not others to have,

A burden that you carry, of only you would understand.

~Calmal Adam~

the world is not perfect

The world is not perfect,

The sun burns

And rain floods.

The world is not perfect,

The earth quakes,

And ocean flood.

The world is not perfect,

So are you

And so does me.

The world is not perfect,

And so does this poem.

~Calmal Adam~

REALIZATION

now i see

that you have more time for yourself

more time, more time.

but deep down i feel that you don’t like it,

as you keep making yourself busy,

just like a poem i have once read.

now i see

that you have more time for yourself

more time for family

but somehow i feel far

which i don’t like

just like tar

it stains.

now i see

that you finally realize

of what become of me

not like what you ever want

now i see

that you finally realize

that i'm not like what u thought

now i feel

the looks from your eyes,

of how they see

i feel vulnerable.

now i feel

guilty of what i am

not being what you want

i’m sorry of what i done.

now i feel

guilty of what i done

not being a man like you want.

now i even wish

wish for a miracle

as when i wake up from sleep

and be of what i should

in your dream.

now i even wish

wish for a wish

so I can wish

to be what you wish.

now i am sorry

now i’m sorry

of not being……

now i feel

like tornado twirling

confuse

angry

sad

etc…etc…

it is complicated

now the only word i can say

only sorry i can say

sorry, sorry, sorry…

                                               ~calmal adam~

One Eye

one eye,

one of yours is blind,

the other covered by white,

you may even not see clearly,

but others are far more worse.

walking slowly on dirty path,

your sight faded, as you gets old

your eyes get worstened,

and so are others heart and soul.

one eye,

one like me pity you so much

but none i can do to ease

your poor heart... 

one eye,

if i can speak and 

if i can understand you,

will it change

how others view?

it's time for me to go

hard for me to forget

your sweet voice, that

made me walked so slow

i'm sorry i cant do anything,

though i can see your heart is bleeding

will i ever see you again?

if i do, can i be a help? 

or will others help you to gain,

a life far good from today?

~calmal adam~

ps: i wrote this in 2009, as a dedication to One Eye...

poems...

these are the poems that i wrote b4 i wrote 'blank'. 

___________

trust

lost in a dark forest,

with a laughing map on my face,

and a cunning compass.

which should i trust to,

which should i trust to

..

dark forest,

a laughing owl,

a sneaky centipede,

which should i trust to,

which should i trust to

dark forest,

seem that i am alone,

would u eat me alive,

or just let me live in lies

dark forest,

when can i have hope?

when can i have trust?

when can i have love?

~Calmal~ 

____________

bleed

yes i admit,

i am blue among these red roses.

should i bleed myself?

so i would be red like them...

should i? or shouldn't i?

~calmal~

____________

freakshow 

LOOK at me,

ain't i'm a freak?

a freak in your dusty and muddy little brain!

again it's for you and others to judge,

normal? abnormal? handicap? freak? bla bla bLA!

do i have a choice?

or i just have to choose?

follow those,

and act just fool?

i had enough,

had enough,

killing me would be mercy,

than to keep me in your tiny cage!

~calmal~

blank

blank

with emptiness

makes soul confused

makes soul withered

 

blank

with emptiness

that so heavy

yet so empty

 

blank

with emptiness

of none could see

of none could touch

of none could smell

of none could feel

but only me...

~calmal adam~